Airline Laughs

[bigmac4029]

ROFL ! @ jokes towards the start.

[lightrail]

let's keep going (apologies if any of these are repeats)

What does that mean?
(busy) Moncton Center: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Chibougamau"
BAW169: "I'm sorry, sir, can you repeat that?"
CZQM: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Yankee Mike Tango"
BAW169: "Direct Yankee Mike Tango for Speedbird 169. What was that name again?"
CZQM: "It's called Chibougamau"
BAW169: "Would you say again, please?"
CZQM: "Chibougamau. I say again, Chibougamau!"
BAW169: "Oh, how quaint. What does it mean?"
CZQM: "It's eskimo for f--- off!"
----------------
Smart Ass
A beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark:
Billund ATC: "Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?"
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet."
D5: "Same position, same altitude."
ATC (cool, dry voice): "So should I go get my collision report form??"
--------------


PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 5:07 pm Post subject: ATC humour Reply with quote
I got this from another board... enjoy!

Here are some conversations that airline passengers
normally will never hear. The following are accounts
of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control
towers around the world.
=======================================

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we
make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when
it hits a 727?"

=======================================================
Tower:

"Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351:

"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

=======================================================

A student became lost during a solo cross-country
flight.

While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC
asked,

"What was your last known position?"

Student:

"When I was number one for take-off."

=======================================================

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a
priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter
was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told
the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52
that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded
seven-engine approach."

=======================================================
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate.After an
hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise
he heard in the engine," explained the flight
attendant."It took us a while to find a new pilot."
---------------------------------------------------------

A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each one to write back about their married life.

To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to using newspaper
advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how their love lives are going.

The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL HOUSE COFFEE." Mother got the newspaper and
checked the Maxwell House Coffee advertisement, and it says: "Satisfaction to the last drop..."

Then the second daughter gets married. After a week, there was a message that reads: "ROTHMAN'S MATTRESSES." So, the Mother looks at the Rothman's
Mattressess ad, and it says: "FULL and, KING SIZE."

Then it was the third one's wedding. Mother was anxious. After four weeks came the message: "BRITISH AIRWAYS." And mother looks into the British
Airways ad, but this time she fainted straight away. The ad reads: "THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS."
-----------------------------------------------------

[chickenrino360]

[Jetsgo]

Can you honestly just stop that now? You've really been throughing alot of threads off topic with the emoticons/emotions.

On another note, I love this thread! I started it so long ago, it's doing great. Nobody ever start a new one, no "Airline Laughs TWO" or
something... it's the original!

[Navymmw]

here is a link with a bunch of odd looking planes.

http://www.hank.ch/airliner/fake/fake04.htm

[PP-DQA]

After refueling a formation of F-16s, the KC-130 hears one of the F-16 pilots ribbing him:

F-16: "Hey fat man, watch what I can do with my airplane"

The F-16 performs a barrel roll, a hammerhead and flies inverted for about a minute, all in front of the KC-130.

The KC-130 pilot, not impressed, and not abut to be outdone, replies:

"Hey hotshot, you're not the one with tricks, I got tricks I can do with my aircraft that you can't"

F-16: "Ok, then let's see it"

The F-16 pilot observes the KC-130 fly straight and level for about five minutes before the KC-130 pilot breaks squelch:

KC-130: "So, how about that for a trick, huh?"

F-16: " What? You didn't do anything at all!"

KC-130: "Yes I did, I stood up, stretched my legs, took a leak and got me some coffee... how 'bout that for a trick?"

[Navymmw]

that is a good trick.

After refueling a formation of F-16s, the KC-130 hears one of the F-16 pilots ribbing him:

F-16: "Hey fat man, watch what I can do with my airplane"

The F-16 performs a barrel roll, a hammerhead and flies inverted for about a minute, all in front of the KC-130.

The KC-130 pilot, not impressed, and not abut to be outdone, replies:

"Hey hotshot, you're not the one with tricks, I got tricks I can do with my aircraft that you can't"

F-16: "Ok, then let's see it"

The F-16 pilot observes the KC-130 fly straight and level for about five minutes before the KC-130 pilot breaks squelch:

KC-130: "So, how about that for a trick, huh?"

F-16: " What? You didn't do anything at all!"

KC-130: "Yes I did, I stood up, stretched my legs, took a leak and got me some coffee... how 'bout that for a trick?"

Post Edited ( 12-11-05 15:08 )

[WBHoenig]

This may've been said before, but:

Two airline mechanics were working on a 747 when lunchtime came. Rather than leave what they were doing, they just took their lunch break while
sitting in the cockpit. While they were eating lunch, one mechanic bet the other that the landing gear would not retract if he pulled the gear lever up.

He lost the bet.

[fruitfly]

But........than why there is "check the gear lever is in the up and locked position" on the checklists???
I mean... it would be OBVIOUS if it wasn't!?




Post Edited ( 12-12-05 07:57 )

[ivo]

An old blind man was going to Texas. When he got on the plane he asked the flight attendent why his seat was so big. She told him that
everything on the airline was bigger than on other airlines . Later, when the flight attendent was surving drinks he noticed that his glass
was exceptionally big. Again, he asked the flight attendent why. Again she told him that everything on the airline was bigger than on other
airlines.

When the plane arrived in Texas, the old man stopped at a local hotel.He went to the bar and bought a beer. Then he noticed that the
bottle was very big. He asked the bartender and she told him that everything in Texas was bigger than in other states. He had a few more
beers and was ready to leave when he had to use the washroom. He asked the bartender and the bartender told him,

"Go down that hall and turn left."

The old man went down the hall but instead of turning left he turned right. Then he fell into the hotel pool.

The old man started waving his hands frantically and screaming, "DON'T FLUSH THE TOILET!!!"

[Navymmw]

lol!

[WBHoenig]

Sometimes (a lot of times) I hate living in Texxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxas.

At least I'm here in 60% liberal Austin. We were the only county in Texxxxxxas to shoot down the anti-gay marriage amendment.



Post Edited ( 12-24-05 14:19 )

[fruitfly]

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

[Navymmw]

[ivo]

A United Airlines Boeing 777 is on its way from New York to San Fransisco. The plane is halfway there when suddenly the pilot comes
over the intercom. "Uhhh.... Folks, we have a problem up front here, and I'm afraid I have some bad news. The bad news, is that this
plane is going to crash. The good news, is that I will just with a parachute, and go get help."