Airline Laughs

[Kent]

A pair of Sukhoi Su-27 takes off from the Gordi Military Air Base to fly to Le-Burje for the air show.
Someone by mistake gave them a callsign 85868 in the flight plan (this callsign is only used for
Tupolevs Ту-154).
Dialogue:
Su: Moscow approach, 85868, with you at 11800, 2 miles West of Marino, procceeding to Bujarovo-Karmanovo.
Approach: 85868, climb and maintain 12800.
Su: NO DELAY IN REPLY. 85868, with you at 12800.
Approach: 85868, climb and maintain 13800.
Su: NO DELAY IN REPLY. 85868, with you at 13800.
Approach: 85868, climb and maintain 14800.
Su: NO DELAY IN REPLY. 85868, with you at 14800.
After a long PAUSE.
Approach: 85868, Say your type of aircraft!

[FsP Dennis]

Speedbird: Tower, Speedbird 85 requesting pushback
Tower: And where in is the worlds most experienced airline crew flying today without a flight plan?

Tower: Speedbird, you looked a little left of the centre-line on the touchdown there
Speedbird: Roger, and my co-pilot was a little to the right of the centre-line

Student pilot: Centre, Cessna 172 with you at flight level 3600
Centre: Roger, Cessna, contact Houston Space Centre

Approach: 200 Heavy, slow to 160 knots
Pilot: Roger
Approach: 200 Heavy, slow to 140 knots
Pilot Roger
Approach 200 heavy, slow to 130 knots
Pilot: Approach, do you know the stalling speed of this aircraft?
Approach: Nope, ask your co-pilot.

[Enzo]

[Enzo]

[runibl]

[fruitfly]

I guess this will fit fine with aviation humour!

THREE DEGREES OF ENJOYING BEER:

1st. degree
You're leaving the bar when someone suddenly steps on your hand!


2nd. degree
You're coming home with a broad, your wife opens the door, you wink and whisper: "Pretend you're my sister!".

3rd. degree
You're coming home with a friend and explain: "...this is my house, this is my bedroom, this in the bed is my wife and
this one by her side - that's me



Post Edited ( 05-01-06 00:40 )

[LuckyT21]

The best thread ever!!!!!!!!!!

[Kent]

"Good morning, Ladies & Gentlemen.

This is your captain PATEL (Boniface) welcoming both seated & standing passengers on board of Air India. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking
off... it was due to bad weather & some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be
landing on your village!

Air India has an excellent safety-record... In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for
you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant & memorable, we serve complimentary DHARU & Wada pavw.

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.



There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know....
our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off & fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will
explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."

"Thanking you all for choosing Air-India to fly for the first & last time"

"AIR INDIA -- a name u can trust!!""

[ivo]

[WBHoenig]

Would you mind if I created an Airline Laughs Part II thread?

[runibl]

WBHoenig wrote:
Would you mind if I created an Airline Laughs Part II thread?

I don't mind at all. Just make a link to this thread on the top post in the new one.

[ivo]

WBHoenig wrote:
Would you mind if I created an Airline Laughs Part II thread?

No problem.

[fruitfly]

A DC-9 captain while attempting to check out on the glass cockpit of an A320:
"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV."

[Pablo0007]

An elderly lady was flying for the first time. It was a night Flight. She was a little nervous. The FA on her walk around saw the elderly lady
and then stopped and said hello.

She asked the elderly lady if this was her first flight, to which the reply was yes. The elderly lady asked the Flight Attendant "How does the
Captain know where he is going?"

The FA replied "Do you see that red light outside your window maam?"
"Yes " was the reply. "Do you see that green light outside that window opposite maam?".
Once again the reply was "Yes"

"Well" said the Flight Attendantt, "if the Captain stay between those lights, we will arrive at the correct destination."

Have to say that I started reading this thread at 11pm. It is now 3:25 am. What a funny and great thread that this one is.applause:
applause

Paul



Post Edited ( 04-26-06 21:32 )

[Kent]

Alaska Bush Fishing Season Opening