Airline Laughs

[fruitfly]

True story:

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant
explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would
re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. The man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell gentleman
was blind because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he
had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said; "Keith, we will be in Sacramento for
almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

The blind man replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."

- Now -- Picture this --

All the passengers in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing
eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.

People scattered! They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!!

.....................

ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway
06."


Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."


ATC: "Cessna G-ARER What are your intentions? "
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."
ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."


Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.


Controller: "USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60.
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!"
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!"
Pilot: "Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!"


Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."
Speedbird: "That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"


Controller: "Air Force 53, it appears your engine has... oh... disregard, I see you've already ejected."



Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."


Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"
Pilot Trainee: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)
Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"!
Pilot Trainee: "Roger"
The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and
continues to the taxiway


Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?"
Tower: "Affirmative."
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the good morning!"


"Two blondes were flying to Reno for a long weekend. An hour into the trip, the flight attendant came on the intercom and
said, “The pilot has just informed me that we have lost an engine. There is no need for alarm though. We have three engines left, and
we’ll just be an hour late.”
About another hour into the flight she made another announcement. “We’ve lost another engine. Don’t worry. We still have two more, but
we’ll be another hour late.”
One blond turns to the other and say, “boy, if we lose the other two engines, we’ll be up here all day.”



Post Edited ( 05-01-06 00:29 )